6 Breakup Pitfalls You Should Avoid Like The Plague
Breakups are difficult. Scratch that. Breakups are soul-sucking torture.
Whether your partner hits you with the “we need to talk” line or you pull the plug on your relationship yourself, maneuvering a breakup isn’t easy and can be agonizingly painful.
Getting Over Your Breakup Is A Process
And it doesn’t matter if it’s your first breakup, your tenth, or your hundredth, if you liked or loved the person you were with – it’s going to be a bumpy road.
And that’s really the first step to getting over a breakup – admitting it’s not going to be easy. The next step is to ensure you don’t commit any of these breakup no-no’s. While it’s not the end of the world if you do, it’ll certainly make your breakup that much more difficult to get over.
How do I know it’ll take longer to deal and heal from your breakup if you fall into these pitfalls? I’ve done them. Yeah, I’m talking from experience here so do yourself a favor, keep reading, learn from my mistakes, and avoid these breakup pitfalls that will cause you even more heartache.
Here Are The 6 Pitfalls That’ll Make Your Breakup Much Harder To Get Over.
#1 – Hooking up
As you’re having the breakup talk, your head is spinning and you realize this might be the last time you’ll see this person. You just can’t accept that. He’s got to know he’s making a mistake so you entice him to have sex with you one last time. That’ll change his mind for sure.
A week later, he hasn’t called and realized the error of his ways. You feel foolish and empty for having given yourself to someone who just said he didn’t want you anymore. Instead of being a week into your breakup recovery, you’re still thinking about him, what you did together, and why he still hasn’t called.
#2 – Taking Revenge
Before you key his car or talk smack about him on social media, think twice. How will this reflect on you? Will people think he’s the bad guy for breaking up with you or will they think he was right to dump a crazy person like you?
Sadly, no matter how you feel right now, taking revenge won’t make you feel better. It’ll only call up how happy you thought you were together and how you think you’ll never feel that way again.
Don’t forget that other people may not understand what you’re going through. They might think you’re the bad guy, especially if your boss and work colleagues find out what you’re doing.
#3 – Stalking (Online and In The Real World)
In this electronic age, stalking someone is much easier than it was let’s say 10 years ago. Before Facebook and the dawn of social media, stalking was more hands on. You actually had to leave your house in order to drive past his place in the hopes of sneaking a peek at him. You had to dial your phone just to hear him say, “Hello,” and hang-up.
Today you can simply keep tabs on someone by visiting his Facebook page or Twitter feed. I guess you could even go so far as to create a fake account in order to actually interact with him online. Don’t let this be you.
#4 – Being Friends
When a breakup happens, neither person feels good about it. Sometimes one of you will say something stupid like, “Let’s be friends,” just to not come off as the bad guy in the breakup.
The problem with being friends after a breakup and why I say it’s stupid is because being friends means you still interact with that person.
Do you really want to be friends and stay in contact with someone who only reminds you you’re not good enough to be with him? Do you want to know when he’s dating someone else or, worse yet, when he decides to get married to someone who’s not you? I didn’t think so.
Friends don’t let friends be friends with ex’s.
#5 – Giving Up
When you’re in a relationship with someone, you have a tendency to let your life revolve around that person. I know I did. Then when you breakup with that person it may seem as if your life is over. I totally get that.
The thing to realize here is that you had a life before this person came into it and you’ll have a life after. If you give up on your life now, you’re robbing yourself of the happiness that comes with finding the person who is perfect for you. They’re out there, but you won’t find them if you give up on yourself and your life.
#6 – Begging
You might think pleading with your now ex will turn everything around, but it won’t. No matter what promises you make to get him back, such as losing weight, accepting his drunken tendencies, or something else, it won’t work and will only make you look desperate and that much more unattractive.
That’s harsh. I know. The point I’m trying to make is a relationship is an agreement between two people. If one person no longer wants to have a relationship, the relationship ceases to exist. Period. It’s time to move on and find someone who accepts all of you unconditionally.
My Final Thoughts
Instead of making yourself feel worse by doing any of these breakup pitfalls above, try acknowledging how you feel first. It’s okay to feel angry, sad, betrayed, or however you’re feeling right now, but admit how you feel. Open up. Talk to a friend. Write in a journal.
I’ll admit when I fell into the breakup pitfalls above, I felt really good… at first. The downer was what followed. That hollow feeling inside knowing that I was wasting my heart, body, and soul on someone who didn’t want to be with me anymore. Instead of moving on, I was living in the past, desperately trying to hold on to something that wasn’t there anymore.
Keep Moving Forward. Don’t Let Your Breakup Hold You Hostage.
If you’re in the middle of a breakup right now, you might feel like your life is in chaos and it may be, but your life isn’t over. You might not notice your breakup actually has given you a great gift. What gift? The gift of freedom. Freedom to focus on yourself and find someone else. Someone who’s perfect for you. Don’t throw it away over someone who isn’t.
I know it’s not easy. Nothing about a breakup is, but as cliché as it sounds, it does get easier as you put some time and distance between you and your old flame. It’s time to move on.
If you’ve given up on the idea of a happily-ever-after or not sure what you want in a relationship, check out my book, How to Get Along Before You Get It On: Dating Tips You Need to Have a Healthy Relationship, and find the man of your dreams!